Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This project allowed me to feel as if I'm actually an artist. I have little to no artistic talent which has been highlighted for me in the two studio art classes required to complete my art history minor. This allows a person to get the feeling of accomplishment from creating what I consider (mind you my standards for my art aren't high) to be a beautiful piece of art.
The concept I had in mind was to give Johnny Cash a ghostly presence, seeing as he is no longer with us, and maintain the emotive power of the original frame. Participating in the making of this collaboration was a satisfying and enlightening experience. I spent a lot of time going through other people's frames, seeing where they're from and feeling like I gained a bit of insight into their world as well as developing a type of connection with them while participating.
The "I Wish" Conversation
The next piece of my final project is from the Learning to Love You More website. The assignment was to "write the phone call you wish you could have had." I tweaked this idea a bit to re-write a conversation I would have had face-to-face. My Grandmother Margaret passed away a few years back. When the end was getting close, my Mom asked my brother and I to come visit and say goodbye. The day we left her, she gripped my hand and asked me not to go. This was a powerful request because my Grandma never asked anything of anyone. I told her I had to go, I had school and work, etc., and we left. I never could have known how much I would regret that decision,, letting the mundane crap of everyday life take precedence over my Grandma's last days. To this day I wish I said something else, but mostly, I wish I hadn't left.
Grandma: Don't go, please don't go.
Me: Okay, I won't. I'll stay here by your side and talk to you or stroke your hair or sing you a song or go through old pictures or laugh about times gone by or whatever you want to do. But before all that I want to tell you how much you mean to my life. I never said it nearly enough and I'm not sure if I ever really realized it until now. I guess that's how it goes, you never appreciate what you have until it's too late. I feel so lucky to have had you so close in my life since I was a little baby. I loved coming to have sleepovers when you lived down the street and I loved it even more when you came to live with us. I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you, living with two teenagers and parents who are in the middle of a divorce. Watching your daughter go through that must be awful. But then again you've experienced a great amount of pain in your life with the death of your husband and your son. You never show that pain at all. You are one of the strongest people I know and I find it so amazing how you walk around everyday with a smile on your face willing to help anyone else and never thinking about yourself. I admire you greatly for that. But I wish you had more time for yourself. I wish you would've told me more about you and Grandpa, your life, your dreams, your disappointments, just you. But I couldn't be more thankful for all the times you took care of me, held me when I was upset about Mom and Dad, or Jason making me crazy or something terrible that happened at school. You always provided me with an incredible amount of love and support that's helped make me who I am today. I love you more than anything in the world and I'm going to miss you more that you'll ever know. But we don't have to talk about that now. Right now we can do whatever you want.
Grandma: Thank you for staying.
I recommend to anyone that has a huge regret to take part in something like this. It may be silly but I believe if you think about it and write it down clearly, the people who you want to hear your thoughts will be able to. At least I hope so.